My First Meditation Retreat: Honest Reflections from Ryann
Attending My First Meditation Retreat
When my friend, colleague, and health coach casually sent me a link to the Reset and Renew Meditation Retreat in Hot Springs, Montana, it was a no-brainer: YES, I need to go! You see, countless people – from friends, to therapists, even my gynecologist – had mentioned that I should try meditating. I’m assuming it was due to my noticeable anxiety, mood swings, ADHD, self-deprecation, or perhaps just because it’s something that had worked for them.
At the time, I listened and even tried meditating on several occasions. It went something like this: sit down in a cross–legged position, think to myself over and over “stop thinking”, get achy and uncomfortable, hear my boyfriend clipping his toenails in the kitchen, smell my dog’s farts, and then storming off in hopes of finding something else to do because everyone and everything was getting on my very last nerves. At times, I even thought perhaps I was doing it wrong. How long does it take to levitate off the cushion like the photos I’d come across?
So, acknowledging the universe’s nudge, I packed my bags, hopped in my friend’s car, and ditched any reservations about lodging, food, or who would be there. I’ve slept in my car plenty of times and even lived off of ramen noodles. I’m sure I could survive three days at the Namchak Ranch, right?
Any fears I had dissipated entirely the moment we began our journey. Lighthearted conversation mixed with the anticipation of learning, relaxing, and possibly even soaking in some warm hot springs completely eradicated any chatter that didn’t serve me. Not to mention the breathtaking views of Flathead Lake and the surrounding mountains.
Upon arriving at the ranch, I was immediately welcomed with warm smiles and colorful tulips everywhere. There was a beautiful foyer with a library, an amazing industrial kitchen, tea, and snacks. The food throughout the weekend was unbelievably spectacular, and my dormitory-style room was everything I could’ve hoped for and more.
After making my way upstairs, I laid eyes on the meditation room where we’d soon be learning, and felt a peace and grounding that would only grow throughout the weekend. The collective goal of this meditation retreat was all about resetting and renewal, and for me, I especially wanted to gather tools to aid me in loving myself.
Diving into our first round of meditation, Shamata, focusing on our breath, allowed me to feel how powerful our breath is: it’s our life force! I realize now that throughout my life, during stressful times, my breath was begging me to hear her. It was shallow, rapid, my shoulders were curved inward, and it was only fueling the cortisol coursing through my body. Our teachers, Jessica and Rachel, instructed our group on how to sit comfortably using cushions, pillows, and other tools. They also guided us how to breathe so that our body can rest into the meditation practice. Day one: success!
The next day, we started with a lovely yoga session, meditation, and deliberate silence. This was a special time to walk down the beautiful dirt road in complete silence. I was able to take in nature and see the beauty of the earth through a new lens, because I was finally relaxed and in my body. It was fun to practice silence not just with others, but with myself. It’s so easy to turn to distractions; however, when we can turn inward and listen, that’s when the beautiful whispers of wisdom from our soul can come through. We continued with more meditation into the evening. Day two: success!
I awoke the following morning, sad that it was our last day, and also so eager to continue this practice upon returning home. We started our day with yoga and then dove into more learning. I grasped at every bit of knowledge shared from my teachers and also my peers. The group conversations helped me to realize that we are all just doing our very best. I sat amongst students who were experiencing all walks of life, and hearing their vulnerable stories helped me to realize that I am not alone in suffering. And by giving voice to our wounds, we allow healing to occur.
As we began to close our weekend, I wasn’t just hopeful that this retreat would help me to meditate here and there. I knew in my soul that this was a part of who I am now. Without meditation, I wouldn’t be able to live in harmony with the universe, the way I had this weekend. There was no going back. This practice helped me to come back to myself, after being hardened by the world. We are all made of such beautiful energy, and love is innate. But it is important that we practice, because we are also human, and ‘life happens’. It’s easy to become discouraged and angry, fueling our suffering, but by focusing on love and compassion, we can change the way we exist in the world. Day three: success!
This retreat taught me how to sit (in comfort), clear my body of anything that no longer serves me by using my breath, and shower myself with love, kindness, and compassion. And once my mind, body, and soul feel completely in homeostasis, I can begin sending my love, kindness, and compassion to all beings of the universe. This doesn’t need to take one hour; it can be for five minutes. For me, acknowledging myself with kind thoughts has helped shape the way I see myself when I look in the mirror, as well as others that I encounter. And after a while, I actually do feel like I am floating off my cushion!
Now, as I navigate everyday life, I am able to show up with more patience and grace for myself and others. Meditation has helped me to release fear, judgment and anger. Every day that passes, my thoughts become softer and more at ease. My breath is becoming slower, my body is relaxed. I am able to send love and peace out into the universe, knowing that we are all so deserving of it.
The gratitude I feel towards the Namchak Ranch and all of the staff members is immeasurable. It is such a blessing to have such a beautiful space to learn and practice in rural Montana. Now, several weeks after attending the retreat, I find myself meditating daily. It isn’t a chore, it is a gift, to myself, and the universe.
Thank you for sharing your inspiring story, Ryann!
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